Ripened Mama

2011-02-07T17:00:00.000-06:00

Below find Emily's website to serve as updates on her progress..

Blessings

My Emily's Website

Traveling through the mud

2010-10-26T09:01:00.000-05:00

We are moving. Moving away form a infested home of mold to a farm. Interesting turn of events. I am healing myself of Candida, and leaky gut syndrome which both are no picnic. This face below makes it all a bit easier.
See you soon.

Blossoming uphill pitfalls

2010-09-28T15:59:00.000-05:00

Traveling upward in my life is ongoing. Though as i reflect on the higher aspects of living i can see the trap doors a bit clearer now. They were always present, the difference now is rather than slip down the trap i recognize it and redirect my path in a different manner. Standing true to visions individually and verbalizing them to the ones who matter open up a pathway that screams with uncertainties. As my relationship with Anthony continues to mature i can clearly state what my truths are or aren't. I noticed and embraced the fact that we both have our own likes and dislikes, opinions/beliefs and they do not need to mirror each others, though what we have worked on is to respect the others passions and note it as a soul longing which needs to be fed with nurturing ingredients to survive.

As a mother and a wife i let my passions slip away with the mundane motherly duties and found some unhappiness within that needed addressing. Once i acknowledged this and verbalized the void, i got up and embraced my passions and started creating.

Happy 3yrs..

My recent creation

Fish thinking...

2010-03-11T20:02:00.001-06:00

Embracing the arrival of the New Moons entrance, I find myself in solitude gathering the gems that are fragmented. Preparing for New beginnings, I am holding hands with the right ones.

Emily has me scattering, in many directions. We are under going tests this week. I will be back here when the time allows.

From Blog to Blog

2010-02-07T16:30:00.002-06:00

I've been browsing different blogs lately in search of something. This searching took precedence over my own blogging. I didn't have any idea what that something was. Somewhere inside the blankness stood an area of voids that so desperately needed filling up. Beyond the layers of wisdom I found in other blogs, surfaced hidden messages I've discovered. I sifted through it until they became transparent.

The universe is amazing with its offerings.

I wanted to share the recent unique synchronicities in my personal life specifically through blogging. I came across this blog http://yes-to-me.com/2010/02/02/how-to-pray/#comments, it happens to be a wonderful, informative spiritual home with lots of soul knowledge I have been radiating towards. [A quick side note.....thank you to Akeim for her work and blog, because of her blog and my visit, this occurance transpired. I look forward to a Akashic reading in the near future.] I love reading comments sometimes even more than the actual post, it always provides me with a deep perspective that offers many epiphanies. One comment in particular caught my eye, as I read this comment I was in shock because I was about to comment in an identical manner. Did you ever get that feeling in your gut which sends bright signals to every inch of your being? Well this is what I experienced and then some when I saw that her name was 'Carla'. My name isn't that common, I seldom come across it.

a weeble that wobbles...but never falls down

After visiting her (Carla Rose's) lovely blog, my heart strings were a tugging... tugging me to reach out to her. Turns out our child, and early adult hood consisted of many "exacts".. a specific "cult" upbringing being one of them. Our pasts also were similarly tainted with identical toxic elements that have collided and formed a kindred of spirits. Interestingly, we both follow a dairy, soy, wheat, gluten, corn and egg free diet also.

May I formally address her in a way that nourishes my soul:

Dearest Carla Rose,

Thank you for being open to receive my approach. You are beautiful. We are connected just like the diamond with its many brilliant facets that lay hidden beneath the naked eye, we too have learned how to sparkle. I am grateful our paths crossed. I honor, seal, and kiss our past earth shattering belief systems goodbye. I send them on a long healing journey coupled with the repeated toxic souls that encircled our paths. I acknowledge them as consistent reminders of awakening messengers for our souls growth. Won't you hold my hand as we witness the power of transmutation of love, compassion, understanding and lastly HOPE.

May your life of freedom blanket you with peace, joy, love and sincerity in your Earths life mission quest as it has with mine.

Love,
Carla Rose

Birth Day Remembrance

2010-01-19T18:21:00.002-06:00

On this day one year ago I was drafted into a maternal classroom. Tired, exhausted, and hormonal my bearings were sea sawing, though at the same time experienced excerpts of uphoria drip into my veins. The clues perhaps were not given validity as they should. Dilating from 4-8 in 15 minutes, granted me with no intervention options. You arrived exactly how you were supposed to.

A love that grows every beating day.

We managed to create a homemade allergy free cake too.

Crocs, Venom, and Bon voyage

2010-01-06T19:32:00.003-06:00

Come right in.
Yes you.
You are most welcome here.
No written invite required. No club member association needed.

This hut carries no discrimination traits. Inside this hut you will find many women, just like you. All paths, all faiths, some without. Please do not feel intimidation towards the women in ceremonial robes inside this gathering. They are here, called forth to volunteer time, energy, and work. They seek nothing in return. They have a ancient story just like you. Whatever style of alignment you seek, it is here. All that is required upon entering is an offering, something dear to your heart. Something that makes your heart and soul dance. It can be anything. Your voice, your weaving of baskets, your X ray vision eyes, ears, or smell, your warrior suit of armor, your innate compassion for listening, your hair braiding fettish, your painting, your pen and paper. A uniqueness only you attain that may not even phase you as a "gift", bring it on inside.

Won't you place your tired achy feet into the foot bath of magically mixed sea salt, Epsom salt, and baking soda infused with the oil of your choice? The components inside will raise your soul out of hiding. A humble fortress awaits to weave her gift as she loosens up the pressure points of your roots. With her simple tool; passed down from her Grandmother, the opposite side of a pencil yes; indeed an eraser, she spins her magic with guided energetic force. Deep slow methodical clockwise circles surround the soles of your feet, and in between your toes. You begin to feel your physical body tingle in areas you hadn't felt in quite a long time. You feel as though things are being drawn out, though uncertain exactly what it is. You are offered some kind of tea, reluctantly you accept after locking eyes with other souls in the hut drinking this potion. You decide it can't hurt. You then notice a woman close by who looks to be getting her scalp stimulated. Over to the far right you see a female in a brown cloaked robe who is chanting harmonious mantras creating an infinity loop around the hut, ringing a bell in one hand and holding a dorje in the other. Over to the left you see a woman wearing a headdress of plumage, drumming in a trance state. You look over and see a table set up with hundreds of herbs and elixirs. You then see a woman inscribing symbols with paint on others bodies in a ritualistic fashion. You step outside behind this tepee to collect your bearings, only to discover a dimension of reality come to life.

A lake front fire pit ceremony surrounded and conducted by women. Some dancing with their mouths open, some performing tantric moves, some with their hands raised, some as strong as still. Some were facing the many crocodiles in the lake as if they were communing with one another. The snapping crocs were involved some way. As if they were swallowing up excerpts of invisibleness. Waves of confusion spill through your consciousness, the left side of your brain takes over your psyche. What type of place is this? Where did all of these women come from? Who am I? Why am I here? Is this a crazy dream? Maybe the tea had some shrooms in it?

Next, you hear a hiss hiss sound, you look downward, and see a snake. Remaining still, heart pounding you open your mouth to scream, your once fluid voice is non existent. Snakes scare the hell out of you, and have since you were a little one. In fact, the fear was/is so great, you studied them in depth. In truth, most of your life consists of protection guards for the many many snakes that slithered into your life, that you could sense one approaching a mile away. How on earth was this snake able to successfully sneakily slither his way up your body and encircle himself around your neck, after all the long hard work and devotion you practiced? Tingling like a feather tickles the crown of your thinker, you notice feelings of liquid lightness, as thoughts being diapatched cascade through your skull.

"Do not fear me, I am here for you. I am what is called your shadow totem. I have been with you for a lengthy Earth walk indeed. I act as a animal spirit that embodies your alternate self, your personality center. When the Shadow is not integrated, it is the repository of your fears, frustrations, temptations, impulsive/compulsive reactions and your anger and unresolved pain. Perhaps because our modern society has denied the existence of the shadow self, or conversely has exerted an over abundance of effort in nurturing it, you have learned to fear this extension of your inner self. I have been prowling the corridors of your mind for some time. When the pain of past traumas have been embraced, healed and resolved, then we may look upon our shadow totem in a new light, understanding that all along, he/she is merely a reflection cast from our own unresolved issues, lessons and pain. With understanding, healing and integration, the shadow is no longer a separate and dark entity that relentlessly pursues us, and we come to see that where our footsteps fall, no fractured shadow is cast, there is only the light of the integrated self. This is why I greet you today to say goodbye.. our partnership is complete".

.... Refusal to let go of the past.... my whole life... kept him lingering around.
So without further ado....

~Farewell~

So be it... and so it is...

2009-12-27T19:10:00.001-06:00

Welcome to Earth Lenore Aurora! As a first time Auntie, I will do my best to provide a non judgemental listening ear and heart as long as I'm living.

Raw Reflections

2009-12-21T09:34:00.015-06:00

Did you ever look in the mirror not recognizing the reflection? Did you ever witness someone morph intentionally ridding herself from all earthly attachments? Have you ever worked so hard energetically to rid yourself of engulfed dark entities through spiritual practice or workings? Or ever manifest your dreams into reality, only to find feelings of emptiness?Or respectfully, experience being called out to help rid someone or something from a circumstance? Did you ever read a blog or comment that resonated deeply that it stopped you in your tracks, thus silencing you for D A Y S ?

I have answered these questions below in a writing format, being a visual it is the best way for me to process.

Looking in the mirror never had my complete attention. Like brushing my teeth, a daily routine which requires no thought. Until recently however, I realized how different my appearance has shifted. Though my adulthood has been an experience of transformations, I hadn't considered the thought that evolving; rebirths the natural self. I look in the mirror and see a woman stripped completely in every way. From make up, to old belief systems; for the first time I can see parts of the soul beaming through the skin.

The spiritual work experienced left a palate of thirst for more. Healing on a level that awakened empowering perceptions that were in hiding, masked by attachments.

Finding validity in the saying 'watch what you wish for' has been a leaning lesson in many aspects of my life experience. Integrating peace and harmony to a soul who came from chaos and disfunction took its time on the balancing scales. Helping others in need comes along with responsibility. A duty which places me in a foreign category. Protecting my energies first before I lend a hand whatever it may entail is a work in progress.

This winter brings many new beginnings that are being grasped tightly. The connections through blog land are amazing.The organic resources available are tremendous. Every post that appears in my proximity gently flicks my forehead through the laptop. Gaining yet more perspective on others journeys, shifts things in a massive way. Faith in the unknown aspects, blankets me with an innocence I dare to surface. The many social tepees are supplying the vitamins for my individual soul growth.

Peace and Blessings to you during this Season and beyond~

Our Holiday curve..

2009-11-24T06:05:00.001-06:00

Gearing up for our first gluten, dairy and soy free holidays. Since we will be going to my Mother in Laws...all our cooking needs preparing at home. I have admittedly morphed into some kind of paranoia frenzy cat about the whole food ingredient process. Having witnessed my little one experience the ghastly poisonous symptoms gluten and soy do to her system...leaves me no choice but to be on guard.

The mother in law bless her dear heart...is filled with wonderment on the 'whys' ."Why don't you wean Emily already?,why does she sleep in your bed?, why aren't you Christening her"? The ~whys~ often come in excerpts and transform into long discussions that perhaps (or not) alter states of awareness. Never interfering, she listens and honors our child rearing...with many questions. She finds certain parenting approaches that resonate with us as foreign and almost not existent. We do not make it a confrontation when asked the whys.What for? We do not have to prove anything to anyone, our decisions are based from our own truths.What we feel is best for our family. Doesn't make it right or wrong. Tactfully declaring truths based from my heartfulness is all I can do. Interestingly, her wonderment doesn't create static between us, rather it fills voids we both have within and without. Now, back to the whole holiday curve~

Although the diet transition was difficult at first, I know it all happened for our individual health needs. I look forward to not experiencing that heaviness feeling after consuming a traditional meal. I sit in a variety of traditions in the holiday arena. Having not celebrated any holidays in my upbringing, I find myself torn between mainstream traditions, the in laws traditions, and what resonates with our family. Claiming a specific denomination is not an option for us. It is such a sticky residue of a subject is it not? So many views out there, so many perceptions, so many judgments. I often envision living in a hut where no religious influences to bear would be the ultimate experience. A eraser of belief systems that wash away over my psyche...ahh what a vision. We have such appreciation for various culturistic traditions that all~ (our belief) are one. If I am asked what religion I am my reply is we are "Spiritually based".

Ive been on the hunt for some child books for Emily that contain various traditions that exist. We would like to feed her with elements of spirituality without the dogma. If you have any books that you would like to share that fit this criteria it would be most appreciated :).

I havent made up my mind 100% on exactly what curve we will lean towards with Emily. I trust in the intuition as our guide during these times of uncertainty. Most times the swaying back and forth on a swing is of most comfort. I do recognize for my daughters sake I must eventually jump off the swing. Standing freely with the wind to and fro.

Inside the Kingdom of an Ant

2009-11-10T07:44:00.004-06:00

This past week we had my family visit from California. I've been busy preparing, planning, and running on the go non stop. Upon there arrival I did a clean sweep of the house and found some living creatures who were quite busy in my home.. I do not clean as meticulously as I used to. I have become more mellow yellow towards the home cleaning task.The entrance way to my back door appeared an ant hill. Many little creatures busting loose creating, gathering, and working together collecting stuff and traveling it all into this hill in my home. Many of them were apparently quite busy; intrigued..I took a closer look. What was interesting was the absence of food, or anything sweet that would attract them. I watched them for about 10 minutes and pondered.... imagining myself as a little ant~ A ant who has a mission.. a purpose.. a goal for something.

An ant who if needed would carry materials for miles all for the good of the family/community.
An ant who performs duties with total loyalty and honesty to the whole.
An ant who if threatened will fight for the greater good.
An ant who if needed will dig tunnels.
An ant who commits to the health and survival of the whole colony regardless what role she was assigned.
An ant who utilizes her instincts, and prepares for unexpected chaos.
An ant who steers clear of drama and focus's on the present.
An ant who has worked hard navigating her way through the tunnel.
An ant who pulls off her wings at the moment fertilization occurs; then sacrifices flight for the birth of her newborn.

They are selfless servant critters always looking out for their fellow ant. They focus on the best outcome for the community/family and teach the art of self sacrifice and true service. They don't sit in fear waiting, wondering if someone will stomp on them, rain on there parade; or ruin them even. Native American tradition believes that every thing occurring in our external lives is a result, symptom, or reflection of our internal life. And so, we can effectively look at our life situations as a metaphor. Ants trust Natural Law and that reward is just over the horizon. It's similar to "can't hurry Love" or "haste makes waste." Patience is of the utmost importance right now so that you have more time and noticed opportunity to prepare for your ultimate success. Ant People are drawn to completing projects that benefit the community as a whole and they work in complete cooperation with those around them. Ant People typically have a lot of weight riding on their back.

When Ant Medicine grabs your attention it asks you to cooperate with your tribe (co-workers, family, projects, etc.,) in unity and patience. Ants are resolute and unwearied little creatures. Although they are tiny, they are indeed mighty. They have a strong skeleton on the "outside" of their body (exoskeleton) with specialized muscles that give them their strength. Ants can carry 30 times their weight, which would be equal to a 150 lb. person carrying a bulldozer on their back at 19,500 lbs. The typical way to stop ant medicine is to literally stomp on it or fumigate it. If an ant is stomped on, it will emit pheromones that will draw more ants to the area. In short, ant medicine is unstoppable, tireless, patient and unified.

So what do you do when /if you see an ant in your circle struggling? Do you intervene? Do you present a righteous stance? Do you take the burden off by doing the work for them? These questions along with others stir in my mind. Spiritually speaking I know that everyone has a path, a purpose. However, if a close family member/co worker/confidant etc. is struggling, how do you assist? I have a warped habit of thinking that my loved ones can conquer challenges just as I have. They can! They just choose not to, or are not ready. So. I. Sit. Back. Watch. Stare. Hold the tears back and trust. I gently suggest, advise, along with a compassion persona. I can only open the door I cannot push anyone through it.

So I sit in this energy, trying my best to practice patience in many aspects of my life. To see myself working together rather than against.... trusting. Each member of my family carries components (including myself) that are difficult to blend with one another. Without the different perspectives I suppose this would surely be a very boring place to be.

Random emotions within a cryptic psyche

2009-10-26T06:12:00.005-05:00

Breaking out of habits have been on the forefront for me. Habits that are part of my personality ones with layers of cushion between them. Habits I don't label as bad or good. Just habits, particularly within my brain that stem most likely from childhood happenings. I try to find amusement in the aspects of emotions, though at times it is hard. I struggle with seriousness, taking everything so earth shattering and personal. (I thank my moon in Pisces for some of this) I assume this is why it is difficult for me to be in large circles socially.Understandably. Often. Misunderstood. Times like these revisit me inside my brain and take over with excerpts of comments heard long ago. "You passed by the skin of your teeth", that sentence echos and ricochets inside my head from my third grade teacher. I played the dot to dot game when the state tests were administered or any form of test for that matter. I never paid attention in class, I didn't give much energy to learning. Looking back I realize some of my reactions were knee jerk responses I used as a defense mechanism. Truth is I couldn't grasp it a t a l l .

I believe raising little Emily is a learning experience. I try to implement a unassuming consciousness of child like innocence as my learning deepens, some times this is easier said than done. Looking in her eyes when I am feeling challenged reminds me of my school days. I read different philosophies on parenting, I use a gentle, calm nurturing approach. I don't use one method as the "key", instead I incorporate what feels right. She is 9 months, with a determined strong will. She wants what she wants now. From not being able to turn a page in her book, to not being able to feed herself, to repeatedly hitting me in the face. (Aquarius with moon in sag) Her side eye balling gaze reprimands me the same way educators had towards me as a child. Yet there is this magnetizable brilliance (referenced in the picture of the lighted figure above), which keeps me coming back for more. I don't recall these experiences when raising my son 15 yrs ago. They are different. I am different.

Although navigating my way through new territory can be exciting, I find myself falling into the self sabotage mode. I think "what on Earth could she of possibly been thinking when she picked me to be her Mama"?!.... I know this thought pattern is counter productive so I quickly shift gears. I always wanted a baby girl, and when we had her my husband and I knew we would be homeschooling her. I struggle with the brutalizing thoughts of how the heck I am going to teach this little girl subjects that I fought to learn. Things like times tables, comprehension etc. etc. etc. My DNA is not programed for intellect theoretical ways of learning. Militant structured guidelines do not appeal to me or my husband.

Though...time is on my side, for now I need to keep repeating this to myself.

..

2009-10-20T10:03:00.005-05:00

Blanketed by the winds in motion,

I sat there on the oceanic rocks as if I were flying like a still bird with no movement.

Blocking out all physical presences, as the sea salt mist hydrates my pours. Sands brush fiercely against my skin, as the Suns in and out ritual completes my quest for certainty

Celebrational Friday

2009-10-16T09:04:00.003-05:00

Today there is a calling for a celebration.

A Celebration for the space where non judgment, compassion, and kinship are all present. Gratitude directed to those who serve here; and elsewhere ;) as catalysts. Who lay their genuine guided intentions on the sleeves of cyberspace with an expect nothing in return stance.

It IS significant to recognize the exciting arena no matter what the subject is; the vulnerabilities are taken as strengths, the forceful as weaknesses and the silence as uncertainty. Recognizing the many facets that each blogger posts, heightens the depths and reveals the true brilliance each other attains.

Would so love to hear your words~

Sniffing the Vile

2009-10-15T13:34:00.000-05:00

If you have read my back round info, it is no secret to know I had chosen a well...um difficult path down my yellow brick road. The important note is that I have navigated myself through the forest like I know most of you have too. The various circumstances we chose to experience are all valid. Be it loosing a loved one, to perhaps battling a disorder for example. My point intended is that although our experiences may not be compared, they are all significant. These past few weeks have had me for the first time in my life releasing this one dreadful guilty feeling. This "feeling" (which I know to be an attachment) has had my arm pinned down permanently with a syringe injecting its guilt serum on demand...well... until I ripped it out with honesty, compassion, and a bit of tears then gently placed in my hands and offered them to my son. A Brief back round on this particular time in my life: When my son was 10 yrs. old I was a wreck in every shape way and form. Needless to say I realized that I couldn't take care of myself let alone a 10yr. old. Though we had joint custody, I could not manage to be the Mother I had hoped to of been for him. So I sat down with the X and communicated to him I was in a bad place and needed to get my life in order. He understood, we both cried and decided it be best Brandon (our son) moved in with him full time. The X husband has a life experience of financial freedom...(something I have always struggled with). We still have visits every weekend, or whenever with no restriction. After my transformation I lived and breathed with guilt. Comparing myself to other Moms with their teenage children. Baking cookies for them when they came home from school, sitting on his bed talking on demand..etc. All the scenarios literally made me feel liquefied in the sense of being translucent; collapsing at all physical structures is the best way I can explain it. I decided to write him a letter explaining all my guilt's, aspirations, hopes, dreams, and fears, everything I did or not do to be "there" for him and to ensure we were on the same page energetically. And then his reaction... Brandon is an introverted teen. Well liked, small circle of friends. A very cautious boy in all he does indeed. A tall strong teddy he is. Anyway..he read the letter looked up at me with his piercing blue eyes and said "Wow Mom, I never knew you felt so sad for me" I am happy.. I know you did the best for me... and I Love you Big Much, Oh and I am so proud to have you as my Mom" I thought about what he said to great lengths, and realized I had felt sad for him, when the whole time he has and is a happy, healthy, well grounded boy. It took that response for other information to penetrate my pysche.

I believe we create our soul agreements
Brandon and his Dad have a contract to experience together. The X husband only has Brandon, no other family members are living.
I raised him in his early years
He knows and feels loved
My past circumstances presented my X husband with opportunites to transform which otherwise may not have occured.
My sons inner strength and wise knowledge has spouted from my life's choices.
I have allowed my mind to play sneaky slithering snake tricks on me

The shackles along with this syringe has broken for this I am grateful.

Just Being

2009-10-14T12:36:00.000-05:00

I was regretting the past and worrying about the future Suddenly I heard "My name is I AM" When you live in the past with its mistakes and regrets, it is hard. I am not there. My name is not I WAS. When you live in the future with its problems and worries, it is hard. I am not there. My name is not I WILL BE. When you live in this moment, it is not hard. I am here. My name is "I AM"